Evil Genie

[Memento Mori]

I shall start by making a wish. The next poster has to grant that wish, but twist it so the final outcome is not quite what I wanted. Then they post their own wish.

e.g.

Me: I wish for a million dollars.
You: Granted. But it is 1 million Zimbabwean dollars. I wish.....

Obviously that was a very reserved twist, but feel free to be as 'evil' as you like.


I wish for a million dollars.

[Alex]

Granted. But you get one million plecos :(.

I wish for the ability to fly.

[The_Führer]

Wish granted. But you can only fly at night

I wish for imortality.

[Alex]

Gra.....oops, I murdered you by mistake :S.

I wish to leave this lecture.

[TombStone]

Granted, but you won't succeed in life and your next wish will be "i wish to leave this gutter".


I wish i had strechy arms so i could slap people over the head from a mile away.

[Alex]

Granted, but you can only use those stretchy arms to touch cocks from a distance.

I wish that this site gets 100 members by the end of today.

[TombStone]

Granted, they're all FBI & RIAA agents though, good luck finding a lawyer.


I wish i practiced telikenisis.

[Memento Mori]

Granted, but you never get perfect.

I wish I am omnipotent.

[deraleek]

Granted, but you cannot disturb free will

i wish i could go to sleep

[Memento Mori]

Granted, but you shall be sleeping with the fishes.

I wish for a shotgun.

[deraleek]

granted, but its plastic.

I wish that the fish arent mean.

[Memento Mori]

Granted. Instead, they're psychotic.

I wish that my feet were the size of crocodiles.

[deraleek]

Granted, But they are now stuffed animals.

I wish there was something better to watch on tv

[Memento Mori]

Granted. Two pygmy mice are fighting to death on top of your televsion set.

I wish I didn't feel so drowsy.

[TombStone]

Granted, your addicted to Crystal Meth now though, you'll die in two years.



I wish the whole world would think alike for one week.

[deraleek]

granted. but everyone has now drown. congratulations you killed the human race. i hope you're a cockroach.

i wish i could go snowboarding.

[Memento Mori]

Granted. But your spine is now made of glass.

I wish I was home already.

[TombStone]

Granted, you are now once again nested in your mother's woom, which must be quite uncomfortable for her, poor madam. No allowence for you anymore.



I wish i was a world leader

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You are king of Uranus.

I wish that I never felt tired.

[Slashe50]

Granted, but now you have eternal insomnia. Good luck with that.

I wish I had a better computer.

[Kenshi]

granted, but you cant shoot

i wish for a house

[Slashe50]

(I can't shoot? What does that have to do with a computer?)

Granted, but it has three broken legs and one leg with a weird growth on it.

I wish for a cat who could play guitar.

[Kenshi]

i say house not horse. and i was looking at the first page so i was talking about him wanting a shot gun

granted but he's an insomniac and prolific

[Slashe50]

You have no wish, so I give you twenty octopus legs.

I wish for it to SNOW HARDER RIGHT NOW

[Memento Mori]

Lol @ the octopus legs.

Your wish is now granted. For the rest of your life, an arctic blizzard will rage around you in a three foot radius.


I wish I was home.

[Slashe50]

You are already home.

Granted, you are now once again nested in your mother's woom, which must be quite uncomfortable for her, poor madam. No allowence for you anymore.

I wish I had Super Scissors!

[Kenshi]

granted, but you cant use them to cut

i wish for a spatula

[Memerex_man]

Granted but it will be made out of cheese.
I wish to have unlimited ammo for my Ak47

[Slashe50]

granted, but it is also made out of cheese :D

I wish my computer had more hard drive space.

[Memerex_man]

Granted, but it will be filled with viruses right away.
I wish my coffee was not cold.

[Slashe50]

Granted. Instead, it's frozen solid.

I wish I had an endless supply of nonperishable pie.

[xeno6919]

Granted. But the pie is made of shit.

I wish for a new car.

[Cacteur]

Granted. You got a new Daihatsu Copen

I want to fly

[Memerex_man]

Granted, but you can only fly when your sleeping.
I wish my coffee was not so hot.

[Slashe50]

Since when was it hot? I thought I froze it a couple of posts ago.

I wish for ice cream!

[Memerex_man]

granted but its covered in hersheys chocolte and cum
I wish i was not so tired

[Slashe50]

Granted. You have eternal insomnia (How many of these am I going to grant?).

I wish I had a better computer.

[Memerex_man]

Granted but it will be a mac
i wish for a new tv

[Slashe50]

Granted, but it's defected and spits sparks at you when you turn it on.

I wish I wasn't so bored.

[Memerex_man]

granted but you will be stuck into butsex instantly
i wish i had better internet.

[Slashe50]

Granted, you now have 1 hz better.

I wish I had a spoon that could fly!!!!

[Memento Mori]

Granted. It flies straight at your face and takes your eye out.

I wish I wasn't a lazy asshole.

[Slashe50]

Granted. Instead, you're a lazy penis.

I wish I had a Wonder Hanger!

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You can now give abortions at will.

-----

I wish that I could summon an eight-foot chimpanzee by punching a child.

[Slashe50]

Granted. You are now imprisoned for child abuse and terrorism.

I wish I had free internet for the rest of my life.

[Memento Mori]

Granted, but it's with 'ILOVEHOMO inc.' ISP, who have very strict ignorance of net neutrality.

-----

I wish that food, drink and sleep was solely a desire, and not a necessity.

[Slashe50]

Granted, but you now want to eat, drink, and sleep for the rest of your life.

I wish anarchy should run rampant.

[Memento Mori]

Granted, but rampant is actually a small island prison, where you are now incarcerated.

-----

I wish Sweden was actually in Africa.

[Slashe50]

Granted, but death metal has now been killed off due to AIDS.

I want a Snuggie.

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You are now follow 24/7 by a Shaved Negro Undergraduate Gay with Giant Illuminated Ears.

-----

I wish for some large object to fall on Robert Mugabe.

[Slashe50]

(I can never know what to expect from you. I loled hard at that one.)

Unfortunately, the evil genie has much in common with this said dictator, so the entire country of Zimbabwe falls on you.

[Memento Mori]

I wish I wasn't nocturnal at the moment.

[Cacteur]

Granted, now go have a decent wank and get some sleep...:invis:

I wish New Zealand sheep were as pretty as English sheep..http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq122/Cacteur/Smilies/6h5s9oy.gif

[Memento Mori]

Tried that. Failed. :naughty1:

-----

Granted. Now you can't get any action 'cause they're out of your league.

I wish that I don't fall asleep now until at least 11pm.

[Cacteur]

Granted...

Now... I wish for rudie pictures of your Mum :D

[Memento Mori]

I want doesn't get.

I wish for a wish.

[greddie]

granted, but you have no choice over the wish.

i wish someone would write my dissertation for me!

[Slashe50]

Granted, but a retarded two-year-old is now writing it. Fail, fail, fail.

I wish I could have an unlimited supply of the purest buffalo sauce.

[greddie]

granted however you loose your sense of taste in an unfortunate buffalo related incident

i wish i could fly :) :afro:

[Cacteur]

Granted, you are now a small black flying insect that hangs around toilets :D

I wish I wasn't so fat and could fit into all my old sexy tight jeans from the seventies...:help:




A thousand posts... yeeeehaaaa!!!!! :woot:

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You can fit in them. But by that I mean the pockets, as you are now one inch tall.

I wish that my life was perfect.

[Slashe50]

The Evil Genie wishes that too, but that doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Instead, you get an evil duck that bites your scapula every time you say "toilet paper".

I wish I could have the best hot chocolate in the world.

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You have it anally.

I wish I didn't have to be up this morning.

-----

Oh, and it's a good thing I never say "toilet roll", isn't it? xD

[greddie]

granted, but now u cant get up and must spend the whole day in bed!!

i wish when it rained, it rained money

[Memento Mori]

Granted. Have some Zimbabwean Dollars.

I wish that my world wasn't crashing in around me.

[Slashe50]

Granted. It's now crashing everywhere else but you and kills everyone but you. Have fun being the last man on earth.

I wish I was perfectly free of disease.

[Cacteur]

Granted.... for today only...:D


I wish someone else would come around and cook tea for us tonight.... please? :worship:

[greddie]

granted, but they literally cooked tea.. still in its bag, into some kinda inedible tea pie ull of string bits and tea leaves :(

i wish i could turn back time

[Memento Mori]

Granted, you now have now released a cover of Aqua's Turn Back Time. It didn't do well.

I wish that Cacteur can't edit his posts (trying to make me look stupid). Yes, I saw that, bitch!

[Cacteur]

Oh.. I can grant you that one.. until I change my mind... :evil2:

Now.. I wish my missus didn't work so late so she'd be up for more nookie at night... :D

[Slashe50]

Granted, but she's cheating on you now. Maybe working isn't so bad.

I wish my school would explode.

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You're staying late in detention, and that's when it blows up. You and the supervising teacher die. Everyone else had either left already, or in another part of the school from where the explosion was.

I wish all my uni work was done.

[greddie]

granted it is done, but its well done, and by well done i mean slightly burned, the edges are slightly crispy and the actual work bit is unreadable... if this was a side of beef or a chicken it wouldn't be so bad, but as its uni work, it needs to be re-written :(

oh i wish i was a fish

[Cacteur]

Granted.. one o' them ugly bottom feeding mumfuckers with the oversize bottom jaw and the whiskers with light bulbs on the end of them.... :D

I wish I was a sex therapist in India :invis:

[Memento Mori]

Genie misread your wish as the rapist. Your now in jail. Getting plenty of sex. Enjoy.

I wish that I didn't still have an assignment to do which is due in by 5 this evening, having already pulled an all-nighter doing a very poor attempt at the first one.

[greddie]

Genie misread your wish as the rapist. :lmao: and cacteur i like ur new sig :)

erm, granted its not due in at 5 today, however it was due in at 5 yesterday, the all nighter was for nothing and now you fail :(

i wish i had a brand new hd tele :)

[Slashe50]

Granted, but it was brand new 5 years ago to a obese, slightly retarded Canadian with anger issues. You could say it's slightly cracked.

[Memento Mori]

You really need to make sure you make your wishes.

I wish that Slashe50 wasn't such a muppet.

[Slashe50]

Argh, that's like the 12391273649128763th time I did that.

-------------------------------------------------------
Granted, now I'm a mutated, drunk, disgruntled version of Big Bird with an AK-74U and a machete.


I wish that my track meet didn't go so terribly.

[Cacteur]

It didn't. Your just a typical angst ridden North American adolescent with sexuality issues..;)

I wish Osama Bin Laden would give George Bush a blow job, and we had pics. :D

[greddie]

he did, we did and now we wish we didnt :(

i wish i had nothing to do for the rest of this month

[Memento Mori]

Granted. Your dead. So methinks you won't have anything to do for quite some time.

I wish the next three weeks could not go any better.

[Cacteur]

Granted. Your next three weeks will be crap and because you are ugly and have bad breath, it could not have been any better.. http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq122/Cacteur/Smilies/shit_happens.gif

I wish the southerly wind would stop blowing up from Antarctica. It's friggin' cooold.... http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq122/Cacteur/Smilies/sclap.gif

[Slashe50]

Granted. Now the northerly wind is blowing from Greenland.

I wish I could be completely healthy right now.

[greddie]

your wish is granted, of course you COULD be completly healthy right now. but you are not. you are terminally ill instead, and ill as in sick, not "ill" meaning good, as you youths say.

i wish that this genie wasnt so evil

[Slashe50]

Granted. Now I'm diabolical. I dropped an anvil on your penis.

I wish I could eat everything.

[Cacteur]

Granted.. now eat this you baby faced young, fellah... :evil2:
(..... ewwww.. did I say that?)

I wish I had something better than crappy stirfry chicken for dinner tonight.

[Slashe50]

Granted. Now you get crappy stir-fry pork.

I wish I would stop forgetting to make wishes before I post.

[greddie]

granted, but now thats al you can remember and you forgte everything else, how to walk, eat breathe and soon get locked in a nut house for banging on about making wishes before you post!

i wish i had a monkey that would make tea for me

[Cacteur]

Granted... now... have a good look at that girl friend of yours.

I wish I had more time to play on the internet... :invis:

[Slashe50]

Granted, you're now somewhere in the Himalayan Mountains playing hopscotch on a bandwidth cable.

I wish there was no school tomorrow.

[greddie]

not anymore. but there is school tonight and every other night for the rest of the year.

i wish my house mate wasnt so messy

[Cacteur]

Granted, now he/she complains about your mess...

I wish Sabrina Williams would kick down my front door, rip off my clothes, sit on my face and ravage me senseless... :evil3:

[Memento Mori]

Granted, but she's a lesbo, so she turns you into a woman first.

I wish that like yesterday/today, I sleep and awake at normal-ish times every day.

[Cacteur]

Granted, but she's a lesbo, so she turns you into a woman first.....

Awesome! I could play with myself when she's gone. l!!! :thumbsup: You rock genie.. :evil2:

[Edit] Oops, forgetting myself here..

Youe wish is granted. You will now sleep New Zealand time. It is nearly 7.00pm, so you can go to bed in about 5 or six hours.

I wish Sabrina would come back with Tadeja Majeric and we could get down to some threeway multi ethnic lesbo action... :D

[Kenshi]

granted, but first she turns into a 7 foot man girl with a dick

i wish this lecture would study it self

[greddie]

granted, but now it studies itself, you, your family and friends and now it runs the world.

i wish the hour long commute wasn't so busy in the evenings.

[stereoblind]

Granted, it gets busy every morning.
(i have no clue what that is btw)

I wish summer would hurry up so we can tour.

[greddie]

granted summer has hurried up, and gone so quickly that you missed the tour as you were unprepared.

i wish everyone could hear what i listen to in my headphones.

[Kenshi]

granted, the volume increased so loud and blew your eardrums so now you can no longer hear

haha i wish the same thing as before i left, but i have to think of something different....

i wish November tenth would get here already

[Slashe50]

Granted. It's November 11th.

I wish more more window space.

[Kenshi]

haha! evil genie tried to foil my plan but NO! it helped me. november 10th is when COD comes out but im not gonna play it until the 11th so HAHA! evil genie suck it!

granted, your window has gotten so big that you fell thru it and are now stuck in cyber space

i wish there was more hours in a day

[greddie]

granted, but now there are so man hours in the day a day lasts the equivalent of an old week, and now there is an angry mob with pitchforks outside your house, mad at you because now they have to work 5 weeks worth of hours instead of 5 days thanks to your selfish time wish!

i wish exercise was an activity taken place in the mind

[Memento Mori]

Granted. You're now a fully dependent quadraplegic spastic, and the only activity you have is in what's left of your cognitive functions.

I wish that all my bets for the weekend win.

[stereoblind]

Granted, all the bets for the weekend won. Your prize money is tons of gay male strippers delivered to your door.

i wish i could get into a different genre of music and be as successful with it.

[Kenshi]

granted. i wont even say anything bad about this one. granted, because its possible.

i wish my dad would understand the amount of free time i have i want to play games with not help around the house!

[greddie]

granted, but now he plays with you :(

i wish i wish i was a fish!

[Kenshi]

granted but you did not say you wanted to be in water, so now you are flopping on the ground struggling to breath and close to death

i wish people would give me earlier notice

[greddie]

granted they give you an ear lier notice and your all like, what the fuck is an ear lier notice? that makes no sense at all! and then you go about your without receiving any due notice for anything! so there! :) lol

i wish i could teleport, to save time and that

[Kenshi]

granted, you can now teleport causing you to save time, now you have so much time on your hands that you cant use your hands for anything else. so now your a teleporting amputee

i wish for unlimited wishes

[greddie]

granted but teh genie had fluff in his heards and heard fishes,

so you get ... like, covered in shitloads of fishes, some alive, some dead, some crushed to death by the other fish, and they stink pretty bad... unlimited fishes... who knew.

i wish the government could sort out the public transport in london, especially the trains

[Slashe50]

Congratulations. London now has the first train shelf.

I wish for some mahogany wood.

[greddie]

Your wish is granted, you now have a permanent boner, and now ur junk is made of mahogany!

i wish my room was warmer

[greddie]

granted, now u have a permanent boner, and ur junk is made of mahogany :p

i wish my room was warmer

[Memento Mori]

Lit match meet petroleum.

I wish I didn't have to drive to Wales in a blizzard today.

[TombStone]

Granted, you can drive to wales in a car.


I wish this snow would melt so i can walk my dog without him getting lost.

[Slashe50]

granted, now u have a permanent boner, and ur junk is made of mahogany :p

i wish my room was warmer

I wish you would make up your mind about your grants.


----------------------------------------

Granted. Your entire street is flooded with boiling water. But your dog's leash has grafted on to your hand, so you're not losing him.

I wish it was 6:30 PM EST on Friday, December 18, 2009, and I am in my room in the exact position I am now, without any horrible disfigurations on my body, and no threats around me, and no twists in reality.

[Memento Mori]

You are now a fat, middle-aged single mother of five with cancer. Genie stopped got bored after the date bit and so decided to ignore the rest.

I wish that I felt fantastic right about now.

[Cacteur]

Granted. The fat chick next door named "Fantastic" is walking up your path now....:naughty1:

I wish...... ummmm..... I wish, I wasn't so incredibly good looking. It gets embarrassing when I'm out in public.. :afro:

[stereoblind]

wish granted. you are now ugly, but the extremely obese homosexual crowd is now following you. you have an occult-like status among gay men.

i wish that the goddamn clash of the titans movie remake would come out sooner than march 26th.

[Memento Mori]

It now comes out on the 25th.

I wish I could sleep right about now.

[Jop]

Sleep is the cousin of death--You dead.

I wish I was the second most intelligent person in the world.

[Kenshi]

you are now the 2nd most intelligent person in the world, but that is 'person' seeing as recently the gorillas emerged as most intelligent species on the planet your still a sex slave for a huge manly gorilla who orders you to do sexual favors.

i wish they would try harder on making alternative fuel source infrastructure

[Slashe50]

Granted. They tried so hard they tried using nukes. Hello, Armageddon.
(OR)
Granted. They all have boners, but nothing else really happened.

I wish I didn't have Latin HW.

[Memento Mori]

Congratulations. You now have Latin CW.

I wish I was unrivalled in my levels of motivation.

[greddie]

you are but someone left a sauasge in your bag for a week and it smells really bad and your too lazy thats why no one can match you cos they are doing shit and your with your sausage

i wish it would snow again but not on my road so i can go out tomorrow night,

[jkflash1964]

Granted, it snows 30 feet deep all around your street and all the water runoff floods your street with two feet of water which prevents you from leaving your house for at least a week.

I wish I was Invisible.

[Kenshi]

granted , now you are invisible because of this people think you are dead so your mom turned your room into a sex room and invites guys over all day and bangs them while you listen

i wish lag did not exist on xbox live

[Memento Mori]

Granted. Lag can't exist if XBL doesn't.

I wish that I was infallibly magnificent.