A Little Something I Wrote [comment!!]

[ReggaetonInc]

so i was bored today and so i decided to write this down, this is my first thing i ever did (callin it thing cause i dont think it would classify as rap) so tell me that you think and i wrote it from my heart and how i felt inside me at the time.... comment on it PLEASE! i want to know honest opinion people =)

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Problem Panic

everything in my mind is running wild
imagining things like if i was a child
the money the wealth the power
im running like a coward
im never moving foward
im always moving back on my own
my dreams are gettin filed down
like if it was a sculpture that aint perfect yet
wanna make a bet?
that the statue is far from finished yet?
tryin to run from pain
but in the end thats all that i get


im crumbling under the weight of my own fantasies
when in reality im on the edge of insanity
no i've fallen off, im not sane im twisted like beastiality
another day another dollar??
no another day another problem
yet another thing added to this thing i call life
dust to dust ashes to ashes
as i am to rubble, and rubble as to me
as my mental and my physical world clashes
am here left to think, what can i really be?
tryin to listen to myself, let my thoughts guide me
but everytime i try, i tend to confine me.
come find me, its obvious that im lost
because im going no where with the mentality that i got


running, problems are always catching me
i cant seem to get away from it all
im waiting for that call so it can take me to rest
so i can fall six feet under cuz i aint giving it my best
i cant handle the pain feels like my heart is going to rip out of my chest
the devil is knockin at my door , and im ready to open it
so i can rot on the floor , cuz nothing else is going to save me from it
ready to leave this world in a roar, leaving everything what god gave me and ready to soar
now its silent, i can rest in peace, leave these problems behind me
they're ready to infect someone else like its a deadly disease.

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eyy someone make a chorus for me lol i cant really come up with that PLEASE =)

[imported_James]

i think this is real nice. you said "their" when it should be "they're" at the end.. but besides that it's cute...

I think the best name i could think of for it would be "Problem Panic"...

chorus? not so sure... i'd need a beat first

[Noone]

Oh, I love it...

really.

[ReggaetonInc]

thank you its my first rap i guess lol and Problem Panic is a really good title for it thanks James

[Hippopotamus]

Yeah it's quite good, well done!

Planning to record it, or not?

[ReggaetonInc]

lol record with what lol i aint that good

[Hippopotamus]

^ Ever recorded something?

[Memento Mori]

That's nice, ey.

[TombStone]

Nice man, the 2nd verse is dope.

[Memento Mori]

Yup. I re-read it and it is swish.

[kip0130]

its hot man :)

[ReggaetonInc]

^ Ever recorded something?


i never recorded anything my life i never even ever wrote something like this in my life lol but im tryin to make another one but i cant get it anymore lmao maybe if i work on it more maybe i can make it into something great but right now im too tired lol

im lookin in the mirror
glancing into my eyes
and i know it just tellin me lies
what do i fear, why do i run?
i hear nothing but demons shouting makin my ear drums explode
i cant get away from their powerful hold
they taken my soul, theyre feedin on it
like im literily soul-food
it was inevitable but never acceptable
the only thing i can do is act like its all good
but theyre in me contracting my body into them but its sustainable.


and yea i dont got that one quite right yet LOL but its a work in progress

[Morphy]

I think it's pretty good considering you don't really rap. Im more of a fan of metaphors and things that make me think a little, but don't get me wrong, I like the direct approach too. I can't really think of a chorus though :/