Short verse i did

[debo12]

So many bottles of liquor,but this pain is to deep/
revolving around a world of payback, get even n cheat/
So paranoid i see demons creep up on me in my sleep/
got so many dues to pay but im steady praisin my chief/
some people believe in the lord all mighty but some just ignore the fact that hes near/
but a person that gets down on his knees just cant seem to get his message too clear/
plus they face the fear, just like they was demanded to do/
but just cant stay sin free maybe thats why we cant get the message through you/
So what do i do? I was told to keep praisin in the lords name/
But the pain is just to deep to sustain/


Not so good but ima post the good part of it later

[TombStone]

That's pretty cool man, nice.

[J-Do3]

It's a pretty cool verse. The rhyme scheme seems a little awkward but I'm reading it the way I would rap it, which is probably completely different from the way you would so it's probably mean nothing. I like the content. I can feel what your saying. The only real thing I would tell you is to work on the overall writing a bit. By that I mean the actual lyrics as far as complexity, wordplay, multis, etc. Keep people interested in reading.

[TombStone]

I agree with it feeling awkward as a rap, i've been told that on some of my verses aswell though, but those did flow when i rapped em. So that shit is relative, i'm sure it works out loud.

[wii_stain99]

Sweet You Should Make Up Some More
And Try Recording It And See Wot It Sounds Like